15 months and just beginning

 

Fifteen months in, and I am only just beginning to attempt to comprehend Israeli culture. I had visited Israel may times, I have family here, I am pro and always in trouble for defending it among my friends and so I had an arrogant expectation that I “got it”, I knew how it worked and that when I came to live here I would find it easy to settle in.

So have I settled in? , well yes, really well , but really superficially. What I have learned , classically , is that I knew very little about Israeli culture. Sure I knew I’d fit in on some levels, like the fact that I am very assertive, often too assertive for the UK, and now, maybe not quite assertive enough for Israel. I am always gratified , however, when Israeli’s notice my ability to be as direct is them and are surprised at my un-Englishness and say “ hey you fit right in here”.

But there was so much that I failed to consider.

They really do speak a different language here, with a different alphabet, Yes I knew this, I even studied Hebrew, but I had this false sense of security that most Israeli’s speak English, and so we would have many common cultural references. Well they may speak English, but we don’t have that many cultural common references, they have a whole rich culture that is Hebrew centric. You really do need the language to really understand a country’s way of life , its arts and its popular culture. In the UK being in touch with popular culture, movies, actors, theatre, music and trends was something I enjoyed very much .

And guess what, to my shock and surprise , here they have their own rich, popular culture , they have their own iconic musicians , songs, actors , in jokes, comedians , commentators and , I want in – but right now I am out!!!!

Its really startling , because just when you are starting to feel like patting yourself on the back and saying , hey you’ve done well, you’ve made friends and think hey I am settling in well, it’s then, exactly then that you realise you haven’t got a clue.

So phase two involves putting my rudimentary Hebrew to the test and locating events that are part of Israeli society and modern culture. I am about to embark on a whole new part of the journey, one where I will have to admit on many occasions that I am the least knowledgeable person in the room , the most uncomfortable place, I could possibly find myself.

My first concert was Ivri Lidor , a very popular Israeli singer songwriter who writes romantic love songs , He’s cool, well dressed, attractive and gay- a perfect pop icon. The audience knew all his Lyrics and I, the least knowledgeable person in the room, had a great time, I even understood most of his Lyrics with some help from Maya my Israeli friend, so it begins. I am off to study Ivri’s lyrics so that I can sing along like a local next time!!!

A South American Solo Adventure

JMy South American adventure

At Manchester Airport stupidly early , I checked my bags in , direct to BA , fingers crossed!! Starting as I mean to go on , with a large G +T , just for the medicinal properties!!

22/3/18
Well I have arrived safely in Buenos Aires . Caught my connection in Paris, just, survived 13 hours in steerage and had a smooth pick up at the airport to the hotel. The hotel is very hip, it’s called Mine in Palermo if you want to look it up . I am resting right now as am exhausted from the flight but off to a Tango evening tonight!! “tres touristico “ May squeeze in some shopping this afternoon as I am staying in Argentina’s Soho and have loads of fab boutiques all around me !!!

 

Night 1.Tango
I decided as I was eating alone to go for the traditional dinner and tango show thinking I would meld among the crowd and not look like a saddo sat alone , sadly it did not go to plan !! All the tables were in separate groups of twos ,threes and more except my table for one !!! It was going to be a challenge to chat to anyone, with Russians to the right and Brazilians to the left . I decided to suck it up ,drank my wine and didn’t let a small problem like no Portuguese stop me and ended up making pals with the Brazilians . They were two couples celebrating their anniversaries. One of the girls was very beautiful and it turns out she came 5th in Miss Brazil!!! The Tango show didn’t start until 10pm and my Jet lag was hitting me hard. By 1040 I could take no more leg flicking, skinny serious dancers and very average singers . I left early and was very very happy to collapse into my bed at the hotel . Well that was a Tango show ticked off my list, I would not recommend it , especially if jet lagged!!!

23/3/18
La Boca was very colourful, I met a lovely Scottish couple who live in Gibraltar Chas and Lorna and had lunch with them .

 

 

Lots of powerful political graffiti lines the walls . I paid pilgrimage to the famous Argentinian soccer stars especially those who played for Manchester City, I saw the very bad sculpture of Tevis . We had a brilliant guide called Santiago from the free walking tour ( highly recommended) and learned loads about the Argentinian psyche and the locals of la Boca and of course visited the Boca Junior stadium

Most of you who know me well, know that I am a pretty cool customer not prone to embarrassing moments except for that glass coffee table incident in Madrid or the thousands of other events that were not my fault! Maybe some people should never step out of their comfort zone and it appears I may be one of them or perhaps it was just god talking to me …or shouting at me!

So here goes …..Friday evening in Buenos Aires started out well, I met Tussie’s cousin, Sylvia,  for a coffee. She was very sweet and she took me to see the cool reform synagogue Sandra ,my sister, was banging on about . It was lovely ‘great band, cool choir but no photos obviously! The crowd was hip the hippest I’ve ever seen in a synagogue.

 

 

I then jumped in a cab to get to the Chabad centre for the end of their Friday night service, all went very smoothly at first, I walked into the centre at the same time as a young English girl from London Allison and her Argentinian husband were opening the door , we chatted and it was great to have someone show me the women’s entrance etc .

Before I proceed you must picture me in my green printed modest cotton dress and open platform sandals, it was 26 degrees that day and still very warm .

After the service I met the Rabbi he was sweet and worked out I was the person who emailed him. He is a New Yorker from Brooklyn . They did kiddish and then we all walked out together.
incident one ….My ankle collapsed and I fell over on the road , I basically collapsed in  a heap, luckily not in front of everyone but in front of the newly weds who had to scrape me off the pavement, I staggered up with bloody knees ! Mega embarrassing.!

And as if bloody knees weren’t bad enough , the heavens then opened and weather that can only be described as biblical occurred! Torrential rain fell from the sky , accompanied by giant shards of ice which banged onto the road literally denting cars. We ran for shelter but I was absolutely drenched ,my cotton dress was clinging to me , my open toed wedges were practically afloat and my hair was plastered to my head, not a great look. As we all sheltered from the thunder and lightening ,torrential rain and giant globs of ice , I was chuckling to myself , thinking – is this god telling me not to go where I don’t belong , seriously it was like a sign ! The only saving grace was , that everyone was drenched and the terrible weather seemed to make everyone forget about my earlier pratt fall .

Dinner however was amazing , the food , that is not the company ! Actually the crowd was lovely but too much of the chat was in Spanish.  I did meet a woman from Rehovet ,in Israel , who was visiting her brother,  they are Argentinian , in fact most of the guests were locals . My handsome prince did not show up , just as well really as my hair was a frizzy , out of control , disaster and I was far from looking my best . The Rabbis wife was lovely and amazingly chilled considering she had 10 children and 25 guests to feed. It was funny how similar the food was as they are Ashkenazi ( I was expecting them to be Sephardi) it was like food from home but with a slight twist. The starter was chopped and fried fish but served hot in a tomatoey sauce served with amazing salads the highlight being Avocado , mango and pomegranate salad, followed by classic chicken noodle soup plus a giant kinedel . The main course was a really delicious slow cooked brisket with rice followed by a stewed pear with choc chip ice cream ( a low light). All in all it was an interesting way to spend an evening and I think my Spanish is now almost as good as my Hebrew !

24/3/18
Today i did the free walking tour around Riccoletta. There was bound to be an incident as it involved very dangerous elements, me , my feet and standing upright!! So we were two minutes into the walk and we were crossing a grassy patch everyone sauntered across smoothly but i stepped into a muddy swamp that resulted in my right foot and my strappy sandal being covered in mud . But i kept my cool and kept on walking bare foot holding my muddy shoe. Luckily the guide’s next stop was on clean wet grass and he talked long enough for me to clean my foot and my shoe with the tissues and bottle of water in my handbag . On a positive note i was very calm and didn’t have a hissy fit which i might have done in the past!! So todays incident was over with the tour was pretty interesting nice buildings lots if young folk touring for 6 months .

 

As we walked past the famous Jockey Club I saw my fantasy man, an elegant tall silver fox, he walked right up to me , then turned  and stepped into his deluxe car …..to join his model wife, that’s the thing with fantasies in mine there was no wife – I had to laugh at myself ,,, I walked 10k today and ended up knackered . It’s remembrance day in Beunos Aires when they remember the days of the military dictatorship and the 30,000 disappeared. I managed to catch a demonstration, actually they caught me as i was stuck in a taxi on my way back to Palermo .

 

Off to Bariloche tomorrow
25/3/18

 
I am now on the top of a mountain in the Andes in a revolving restaurant having ridden a gondola a very small “Teleferico” to get here, the view was well worth it !!
Barloche is Argentina’s lake district and gateway to Patagonia. Its a ski resort in the winter and attracts loony mountain climbers and thrill seekers and me. It has a bit of an identity crises as it has some German architectural influences , it was probably a hideout for Nazi’s on the run . It also has a sizeable jewish community and was holding a Seder for 500 people , which I “sadly” missed . It’s Odd how those two facts go together . I think it looks a bit Swiss but  with Beer Kellers!!

Went to a Viking bar in Bariloche met nice Chilean psychologist and lovely bar staff its now my local . Meet Maria Jose , Mateus snd Flo

26/3/18
Todays mishap- so at 9 am i am ready for my tour , everyone else at the hotel has been picked up but i am waiting patiently for my guide. Finally she arrives but on discovering i am English she  looks perplexed , and tries to tell me ( in very poor english ) that she doesn’t guide in English only in Spanish!!! I am now less patient , the local tour manager who i have been speaking with on whats Ap only in English asked me if i booked an English guide which of course i did i even had a voucher to prove it. So after much putsing about i had to to switch my tours around and leave at 1230 today instead of 9 but have a big tour tomorrow to replace the one i lost. So the tour is a catamaran boat trip around the lake to an island,  bla bla . Trees,  bla bla , nature , nice weather , great views , boring tree stuff , but a nice boat ride. The bonus is i met 2 lovely Irish couples who i have arranged to meet up with at Calafate . Heres the photos

Went to dinner with Chilean woman i met last night Maria Jose her English is almost as bad as my Spanish but we managed – i got lost on the way home almost cried but asked 2 bar owners on separate occasions for directions and finally made it back! Bariloche is very small and we only went to a restaurant 2 blocks away – my sense of direction is atrocious !!!

27/3/18
Today was the 7 lakes tour which involved driving through the national park around all of the lakes . I was the only non Spanish speaker so the guide had to chat to me after all the blurb. The views were beautiful but its a long day from 8am to 7 pm, After lake 7 you start to suffer from that well known illness “lake fatigue”!! On the bright side two Columbian girls on the bus spoke brilliant english and we became pals, they are only 29 !! They were phototastic ,so many pictures to follow . Their hotel has a lake view and so i now have another condition called , lake view envy !!!

 

Drinking Mate

Flying to El Calafate tomorrow for glaciers and stuff!!!

A Recommendation for those of you planning to visit Bariloche and to avoid lake view envy- book the
Cacique Inacayal Lake Hotel & Spa for the good value 3 star and central location or for the slightly less central but 5 star try
“ Charming” !!! That is its name.

Dinner tonight was at a restaurant brewery called Manush that is across the road from my hotel and came highly recommended . I went on my own ( the 29 yr olds were going clubbing !!!) And sat at the bar and ordered what the guy next to me was having ( it looked very good ) sorry Anthony not fish !! Anyway the guy next to me – Pedro ( Straight out of central casting ) worked as a Brewer for the restaurant and the guy next to him Martin turned out to be his boss the inventor of the ales and the owner of the restaurants. They were really sweet and good company for dinner. All the staff couldn’t work out how i knew them !! Off for an early night – early start tomorrow !!

28/3/18
Arrived In Calafate an hour ago and Just picked up 2 Australian guys Matt and Mitch i met at the pharmacy as you do !! I commandeered them to join me for lunch , really lovely boys .

 

Very excited off to see Porto Moreno Glacier tomorrow. Met my NBF Aussies for dinner with their new friend Sydney from NYC she’s 21 going on 45!!!

29/3/18
So it was big ice day today and it didn’t disappoint!! The Peurto Morenno glacier is one of the most active glaciers and it the most accessible so you can get real close . I will let the pictures tell the story. Nearly everyone i met in my days in Bariloche and El Calafate were on the same tour as me today !! Met up with the Irish couples for a coffee as they two were shlepping around the glacier.

 

30/3/18
Another glacial day also spectacular although the weather wasn’t as good as yesterday. Met up with a mother and daughter act from Buenos Aires who are staying at my hotel luckily they both wanted to practice their English. So this is the Spagetini and the Upsalar glaciers and lots of icebergs featuring my nbf’s Eli and Ro!!

 
31/3/18
Today i was back in Beunos Airies but due to my not realising it was a 3 hr flight from El Calafate or knowing what airport my flight was booked into i only arrived at my hotel at 4pm !!!! I had planned to catch up on sites i had missed . So i made a mad dash and Silvia, Tussie’s cousin , agreed to meet me at the entrance of the Cemetery in Ricoletta at 4.50 ( bear in mind it closes at 5.30) . I was upgraded at my hotel which was such a waste as i dashed in , dropped my bags , ripped out a change of clothes, leaving the once pristine room looking like a hurricane had hit it . Anyway i made it to the Cemetery just in time and 40 minutes was enough time really!

Sylvia bless her took me on a whirlwind tour after i ate an overpriced late lunch (6pm) at an outdoor cafe close by The Cemetary …its dead smart there !!! We hit a posh shopping mall ( i bought nothing ) tootled around Riccoletta. Visited San Telmo ( sorry Sarah didn’t make it for the market day )but had a fab ice cream there. Then we went to visit the Maderro port , their Canary Wharf .

1/4/18
Driving to the airport this morning at the ungodly hour of 5.50 am and i realised how old I am as we drove past a load of taxis and loads of people !!! I had to ask my taxi driver what was going on , in my now perfect Spanish !!! I had no idea what he said , so its just as well i saw the sign for the night club !!! It was almost 6 am and so they were all exiting some night club !! wtf i am way too old !!!!!

So i finally made it to Igauzu !! I was met by my guide Eugenio at 9.45 and he began to warn me Easter Sunday was the worst day to do the falls, he warned me it will be very busy and we won’t get to see the “devils throat”  ( big fall I hadn’t heard of and didn’t care about) i had to give him a talking to about his negativity and it was only 1020am!!! We did the whole Argentinian side of the falls , the high level and the low level . Eugenio ,bless him , knew how to dodge the crowds .The falls are massive and massively impressive , they are the falls featured in the movie The Mission . Pretty awe inspiring. I believe when Eleanor Roosevelt saw them she said “ poor Niagra”

 

Met two lovely guys at the pool at my posh hotel Robert and Michael from Norway they took me to the Brazilian side of the falls at sunset

The Hotel is the Belmond in the middle of the National Park on the Brazilian-side. Its so nice to stay at a classy joint once in a while . Check out how they serve you drinks at the pool . Mucho oldie worldly five star i mentioned my seat was uncomfortable while eating dinner in the restaurant with Michael and Robert and in three seconds a cushion appeared- ooh i could get used to this sadly I can only afford one night here.

 

I have a late check out tomorrow and am planning a boat trip into the falls in the morning then some pool time before i have to leave at 5 pm !! It tough . Actually i am exhausted i walked 16k today

2/4/18
Fab breakfast it has to be one of the best breakfasts i have ever had in a hotel . Everything was perfect from the champagne to the freshly pressed watermelon juice!! I was a tad nervous about the boat ride as i had been warned they drive you right under the falls!! . So i went in flip flops expendable clothes and wore the plastic rain mac provided by the hotel!! Nothing can prepare you for the feeling of thousands of tons of water assailing you!! The utter power of the falls is tremendous !! Its not a sightseeing trip as you can see nothing with all that water on you , but it really is an experience !!! I got absolutely soaked . Once back at the hotel they took my wet clothes and dried them for me ( its part of the ride!) I then made my way to the pool and enjoyed the hot and cold running waiter service. Sipped a caipirinha, ate lunch and tried not to think about leaving this bit of paradise!!

The flight to Rio was far from paradise we were disembarked from the first plane for technical reasons and eventually arrived 3 hrs late at 1230am. There was no car waiting for me as arranged but there was a taxi booking service where you paid in advance , so it was pretty smooth except for the fact the woman at the taxi office spoke no english and i was so tired i tried to put the wrong pin with the wrong card three times !! The hotel in Rio is uber modern and a bit sterile . I miss the Belmond !! Off to explore Rio today !!! Maybe a bit of shopping!

4/4/18
Causing mayhem on my tour . They tried to put me on a big bus with headphones full of American ya ya yaing in my ear. Made them take me off the bus to catch up with the express tour that is in a mini bus with a human . But had already ummed and aahed about that tour 3 times in the morning . Tour guide Ziggy from Austria thinks i am a loony !! Nothing new then !!
Tour was great and compact only 8 of us and it was all in English myself and a cuban guy ganged up against the American airline pilot ( Travis) re football versus soccer!! Saw all the key sites sugar loaf, jesus, etc . But all in all the atmosphere here is not great , so its not as much fun as it could be. But i can now tick Rio off my list .

 

At the Uber modern Great Western Fashion hotel, its way too white , too sterile and a tad too off the beach. The main problem was the concierge from hell! She gave me terrible advice re my tour, then suggested a restaurant that was miles out of the area I was staying in. I deliberately booked a hotel between Ipenema and Copacabana which is an area stuffed with interesting places to eat and drink. The mad concierge sends me in a taxi to an area 30 minutes drive away, next to a favella , my taxi driver stops the car leaving me alone on a strange hillside while he asked for directions, I was sure this was where I was going to die ! In the end he got me to the overpriced restaurant, which was way too formal, and the promised views were closed due to recent rains ! I had a drink and an entree and headed back to Ipenema !

5/4/18

Arrived in Salvador met by my tours with locals guide, Suraya, she showed me the hot spots of Salvador . Its a big city’s on the coast with the biggest natural bay in the world( Barra) which is why the Portuguese made it the capital of their colony Brazil. I am staying in the historical centre which has been gentrified a bit. Lots of women in traditional dress and a very African vibe here. There are also a few working girls on the street as it was the old red light district.
My hotel is very cute .

 

 

6/8/18

So now i have to get a boat from Salvador to the island of Morre de Sau Paulo my hopefully paradise R&R stop before retuning to the rat race!!! (Well semi retired bliss in Tel Aviv is hardly a rat race ) now I am a terrible sailor and i have a choice – a 2 hr Direct catamaran ride across open water ( potentially rough) or a short boat ride to an island across a bay then move into a minibus across said island and get a boat across another bay to Morre which means three hours traveling but no rough water . I chose the three hours with no sea sickness but still taking Dramamine as i am that bad a sailor !!!

6/8 – 11/8 the island of Morre de Sau Paulo
Hotel is Pousada Dona Moca its almost perfect , great location on a quiet beach but next to village and busy beach. Room is lovely no wardrobe though? But fantastic wide balcony overlooking beach and sea its a fab view .Interior design is fab if only the staff spoke english and they did laundry i would give them a 10 !

The Brazilians are a strange people . It appears that they come on holiday to take pictures of themselves posing in the pool or on the beach usually wearing very little . They know no modesty and no matter how big or small their bodies are , they love themselves in equal measure. Its quite a site to behold, a larger lady overflowing from her skimpy bikini posing and pouting for her photos. Maybe we self conscious often self loathing Europeans could learn a lot from this self confidence and self love !!!
Tips and thoughts for solo travellers :
Always book the best hotels in dodgy cities
People you may at first think look weird often become your best mates
Watch where you step between 2 floating pontoons man on my boat trip snapped his leg between 2 pontoons
When eating alone sitting at the bar of a restaurant or bar with food is the best place to make pals
When your sister says don’t go to Rio you should listen to her !
Having a super 5 star treat is a great plan
Using Tours by locals as airport transfer and guide when time is limited is a good plan ( also a sister suggestion )
A caipirinha a day works

Found a small dark bar last night cafe 41( i love a dark Bar) with a very conscientious bar owner from Italy called Paulo. ( Its the kind of place “the Gols” would love) non pretentious but with AC that serves really well made cocktails and lovingly made excellent liqueur coffees . Its now my local !!!

 

10/4/18
Boat trip today was very interesting. Firstly majorly disorganised beginning and you know how i love to wait in the hot sun !!!! Then we set off with two crazy crew who insisted on playing  very loud club Anthems. I attached myself to the only two people who spoke english Marianna and Andre from Sau Paulo

Met a very nice couple called Flavia and Salvatori who were very interested in the fact i lived in israel as they are fully practicing jews who believe in jesus . They were very sweet considering they belong to a freaky sect a fact i did mention to them. They have invited me out to dinner tonight i may return a born again something else!!
Oh dear I just sent this to Flavia and Salvatori ( above) by mistake

I may not be going for dinner with them tonight now … if they read that message before i deleted it from their Whats Ap my only saving grace is their English isn’t great . I could pretend it was all complimenting!!

Dinner was illuminating but we got soaked in a downpour

Talking of leaving i have a really awful journey tomorrow. I tried to get on a small plane to Salvador airport from the island but the *one* plane is broken. So i thought i had to take the 2 hour Catamaran direct but rough crossing , but that is also now not direct due to the rain /storm. So i have to get the 6am boat /bus / boat transfer that takes 4 hours . And that’s before my 16 hour flight plus connections back to Tel Aviv

11/4/18
Its 1125 am I am now at Salvador airport . I would like to say that the boat, bus ,boat trip went without incident but i would be lying !! The first boat ride was short and ok, I found some more unsuspecting Brazilians i roped in as my new best friends / bag carriers/ interpreters!!! The coach section was comfy and dark and we all slept, nice ! Then the second boat tip which is the 40 minute ride across a bay to Salvador and should be smooth sailing, well it wasn’t . I was very smug having dosed myself with Dramamine and keeping one eye on the horizon and one on my fellow passengers green faces . And then the cute little girl on her fathers lap next to me threw up all over my handbag strap and my trousers. Needless to say i was not happy and the expletives that came out of my mouth were far from sympathetic to the little girls plight , her father removed her just before i killed her!! I was then throwing water over my leggings and bag, people were handing me disinfectant wipes and i was spraying perfume everywhere. I managed by the skin if my teeth not to gag in response to the smell. From the boat we were taken to the office of the tour operator to wait for the transfer to the airport. Luckily they had a bathroom and i had a complete change of clothes ready to change into on the flight .After a full scrub down i am happy to say i am now sick free and waiting to check in . By the way i now know why the Brazilians and Argentinians eat so much ham and cheese for breakfast …they cannot fry an egg to save their lives
!!!

12/4/18
So all went pretty well – its 24 hrs since i left my hotel in Morre and i am now in Frankfurt!! I traveled premier class for the long hall stretch which was a big help it was really comfy, big seats and nice food. Gunter a 6ft 7 German man in his 60’s sat next to me and was a very solicitous flight partner, plying me with chocolates and haribo !! He is married to a Brazilian , used to own stationery shops in Germany , has 2 families ( Brazil is his second wife ) he owns property in Brazil , Germany and Turkey , likes to sail ,owns a Lazer boat , skis every winter and sand sails on a private beach ( it was a long flight !!! ) i have now gone through ElAl security and am awaiting to board the 4.5 hr flight to Tel Aviv. The bastards put me on row 52 , as it was impossible to check in from my original check in desk even though i could check my bag through , they could not issue a boarding pass , I had the same problem at my second airport , when i complained she said be thankful you got an Aisle seat !!! Never again !!!Its got to be the most difficult airline to connect to !!! They promise me my luggage will make it to Tel Aviv but i am not optimistic

And yes they lost the bag !!! Good news in my house keys and new shoes are with me

So it’s now 4 days later and after much crying and forcing the ElAl lost property woman to check where by bag was, she personally went to find it circling a belt atarrivals…

5 days later the bag arrives home – hoorah.

Maybe it just wasn’t easy to find !

Dressing Up Tel Aviv Style

I know it’s been a long time since I last wrote my blog but I have been busy adapting and acclimatising and I am pleased to say after 5 years ( Yes five years I can’t believe it ) I have completed my assimilation and I can honestly say it was not a success! I don’t speak the language very well , I need English subtitles at the movies and the theatre ( and on the streets). I am still very much a new immigrant and although I love it here, I love it from my privelidged stand point as an outsider. That said all has been going well,  I sell my wares as an English language communications coach using a mix of my media and psychology training to help adult Israeli’s make that final stretch from pretty good English to really excellent English.

For those of you who have never visited Tel Aviv, it is a melting pot of the weird , the wonderful, the dispossessed and the outright eccentric. Fashion on the streets is a mix between uber casual, ethnic influenced , military uniform , bad taste , mutton dressed as lamb and the white powdered red lipsticked older ladies who take fashion advice from Carmen Miranda . This is all very enriching and allows me to amuse myself on the bus but it gets really hysterical  during the Jewish holiday of Purim. This is a festival where  Jews remember surviving  yet another attempted massacre they dress up like the heroes and heroines of the story of Esther. However nowadays they dress up as anything from superheroes to punks to oddly enough  very othodox Jews ( very non pc ) .

The trouble is that during the week of Purim as I go about my regular self amusement , working out which dressing category my fellows travellers on the bus fit into . I find myself thinking “ is that her normal style or is it her Purim costume “ this amuses me no end . As I giggle to myself  I realise that my fellow passengers are weighing me up and down and firmly placing me in the  category of loony foreigner!

 

 

Home Visit

This blog is dedicated to old friends and to Susan Rowe in particular who I have known since I was 11yrs old at Stand Grammar school. We haven’t been in close contact for years, although I was her chief bridesmaid a thousand years ago. Susan insists on posting on Facebook a terrible photo of that event, proof of a time when I thought pink hair and a pink dress were a good idea. Needless to say, said photo has never made it to my timeline!! I caught up with Susan last night, together with our old partner in crime from the back of the class, Michele Levy, and another ‘old’ friend Francine Woolf, more of that evening later.

I have been in Manchester with my parents Rita and Harold for what seems like a month now, but has in fact only been two weeks. I love them dearly, but my visit was timed to be convenient for my sister, who is enjoying a well-deserved break in Spain and my parents’ carer, who also needed a holiday. The timing, however, was not very convenient for me, I am missing the best weather in Tel Aviv, I have lost some interesting jobs and many of my Manchester pals are away and so my escape routes have been somewhat blocked!!

 

I have been very busy in the homestead, cooking up a storm, doing washing, more cooking, shopping and cleaning. My biggest outings have been my visits to the supermarkets and the kosher shops, which are all very social meeting places in Prestwich and require full make up! There has not been much going out, although my mother has been out to two lunches; her Weightwatchers meeting and a very exciting doctor’s appointment and my father has had two bridge games with friends. I, however, have been less lucky and on Tuesday my biggest outing was bringing in the wheelie bins from the end of the path. Don’t get me wrong, there have been some entertaining moments with the parents like deciphering what my mother means when she suddenly says “only get the ones from the showcase” after much prodding I work out what she meant was “only take the chicken from the fridge when you go to the butcher” so close!!!! …and let’s not forget the soaking and massaging of my father’s foot, which has very poor circulation and causes him great pain, less so since my nursing!!!

 

But last night, as I mentioned earlier, I escaped!! I went out for dinner with old friends. It’s amazing how you can drift apart from very close friends but then see them after 20 years and feel as if no time has passed at all!! So we gathered in one of Prestwich’s Turkish restaurants (why the small suburb of Prestwich has so many Turkish restaurants is a complete mystery). We arrived at 8.00pm and gossiped, shared anecdotes and reminisced until the restaurant closed around us at 10.30pm (it’s a wild night spot) and continued to chat back at my parents’ home until 1.30am!!

 

I totally caught up on Manchester news and feel replete! On Sunday I am invited out to brunch at my friend Gols, which I am looking forward to, and on Thursday I am off to London to catch up with my friends down south which should provide way more gossip for my blog.

shelter from the Storm ( rockets)

 

Tel Aviv over the last few months has been a roller coaster ride of fear anxiety and worry, for oneself and for friends and relatives in the army. There was masses of confusion when sirens would blast out suddenly with the occasional bout of relief during ceasefires.

 

What was really perplexing was the realisation that “I“was being targeted by rocket fire!! I wasn’t in a war zone, near a missile site or near armed combatants I was just walking my friends dog or on my way to work or on the beach when rockets were intercepted above my head. My unconscious was shouting ” Hey, I’m English! People don’t fire rockets at me ” I guess I really am an Israeli now!!!

some shots from Tel Aviv bomb shelters

stairwell sheleter

car park shelter

stairwell again

and again

car park in Basel

What was even more stressful and saddening was reading how the world had so quickly turned their support away from Israel and the revelation of the hideous amounts of ( seemingly tolerated and acceptable) anti-Semitism there is in Europe.

Even some people I know, liked and admired were way too quick to accept every picture and piece of information coming out of Gaza as fact, no questions asked.. questions like “where were the militia among the dead”? Did Israel miss armed combatants and only hit civilians, according to the figures and the news it looked that way!! “Has that fact about the UN schools being hit by Israeli rockets been verified” ? No it hadn’t , and was in fact shown later to have been the result a misfired Hamas rocket!!! Intellectuals, ill informed sympathisers , raging anti semites and newscasters  seeking sensationalist tales so easily forgot that Israeli civilians were being deliberately targeted by Hamas . There was so little understanding of the context of the tragic loss of life in Gaza. The lack of criticism of Hamas for placing the people of Gaza in such danger, breaking humanitarian ceasefires, placing rockets in schools homes and mosques, the killing of its own children to build terror tunnels or their public murder of people who do not agree with them all this was swept aside and only Israel was censored !! I am not saying no one can criticise Israel but the vilification of Israel and the lack of any understanding of the reality of the is exactly what Hamas wants and why it places the people of Gaza in such peril. The extreme condemnation of Israels actions in Gaza without looking at the reality of the situation will result in more civilian deaths as its says to Hamas and in fact all terrorists , human shields work, good job, and so they will do it again and again !!!

I am back in the UK now, and the truce is still in place and I can breathe a little more easily . The news here is dominated by Syria and Iraq and if Scotland will vote Yes. My days are spent visiting my family and friends in Manchester , in seaside towns and London. My fears of coming back to Europe and feeling under attack for living in Israel or being a Jew have subsided. I am about to meet an old mate in Islington and am looking forward to stepping back into the West End on Wednesday to see Shakespeare in Love.

I am hoping there will be no anti Israel, pro Hamas demonstrations in London while I am here but if there are I will brace myself to put forward my thoughts and understanding of the situation, in the vain hope I can educate the ill informed, as “Everyone is entitled to my opinion.” The very saying printed on a mug bought for me as a present just this week.

Doggy Tales

 

I have been threatening to buy a dog for at least 6 years. I pined to be one of those dog owners with the perfect pooch, who parade proudly in parks with their perfectly proportioned four legged balls of white fluff at the end of a lead.

 

But I always had some great excuse ; I am never home , I travel for work  and the most important one -I am a complete commitment-phobe!!!

 

So I now live in Israel, I am not traveling for work,  I am self employed so I have way more time… but I am still a complete commitment-phobe!!

Now I live in Tel Aviv and I am still talking of getting a small dog,  yes, just talking and talking, never doing!!! So when by French pal Bruno asked me to take his small black Pug, Gaston, for two weeks I felt it was the perfect opportunity to “put my money where my mouth is” and test out if I could cope with being a dog owner ( for just two weeks) 

 

Gaston and I have now been together for a week and I have discovered a lot about myself as a dog owner.

1) I am a neurotic owner/ keeper/ mother and I worry when I leave Gaston , will he be lonely, hungry, thirsty , scared??

2) I can’t bear being stared at with big sad doggy eyes when I eat or open my fridge

3) I don’t like dog hair all over my apartment

4) I enjoy walking the dog and I am an excellent dog walker and poop collector

5) I like doggy cuddles and having someone who is happy to see me when I come home.

6) Having a dog in Tel Aviv includes you in a cool group of doggie owners…and the cafes are all very welcoming.

7) In the park I can’t allow Gaston off his lead… in case he runs off ,is eaten by a big dog or never returns to me?

8) Dogs can be restricting I don’t feel I can go out late or stay out overnight and holidays would be complicated ( I kind of guessed this)

In summary I have fallen for Gaston… he’s cute affectionate and well behaved ….on the other hand, he smells like a dog and leaves black hairs everywhere.

And as if my neuroses were not already apparent last night I had an anxiety dream….,,I was on a bus in London it was 11.30 at night and I suddenly jumped up and started shouting ” the baby , I have left the baby”. I had left my friends’ 3 month old baby girl (who I was taking care of )  in her buggy somewhere in Islington market and had completely forgotten that she was with me. It felt like I had left her for hours and had made my way home without her. I was in a complete state of panic. The relief I felt, when I woke up and realised it was just a dream, was immense. I think my unconscious was trying to tell me that I am not a reliable parent !

 

 

In reality Gaston returns to Bruno in a week and I will no doubt miss him. However I will probably still just be talking about getting a dog!!!

Miracle of Miracles

Its coming on summer there in Tel Aviv, the trees are in bloom but the main difference between seasons here is that the people eating al fresco can now remove their light cardigans and the normal population start swimming in the sea and at the open air pools (the fanatics have been doing it all year round even at a chilly 18 degrees!!!!!!)

I know I am obsessed by the weather but I am British!! It’s been my first real winter in Israel and when I say winter it was something more akin to a British summer. Most days have been that perfect temperature between 18 and 21 degrees centigrade with blue skies and few clouds, it has been wondrous to experience so much sunshine during what in the UK are the dark months

Even my iceberg of an apartment is warming up, I will soon be rolling up my electric blanket which I have become rather attached to, it will be sad to say goodbye but parting is such sweet sorrow.

I recently had a revelatory experience, so apt in the land of miracles, and I now love Dan busses and all their drivers – even the homicidal ones)

It began in a very mundane manner- it was all because of my new obsession with Candy Crush , I am on level 67 in case you were interested. I was on my favorite number 5 bus, engrossed in my latest level on Candy Crush which I was just about to complete when I arrived at my stop, my phone and bus card in hand. I was confused, why was my bus card in my hand and not in my purse I always put it in my purse. Then it hits me, where the hell is my purse? Yes you guessed it I had left it on the bus ,I had just disembarked from!! I panicked searched and searched my bag and then finally a plan emerged and I hopped on the next number 5 bus and in broken Hebrew I spoke to the driver about my predicament, cried a little looked ashen, explained again that I had all my bank cards, credit cards, ID papers basically my life in that purse and asked if he could contact the driver on the bus in front.  Unfortunately he couldn’t contact other drivers but bless him, he called head office, and they called the driver. I then had to sit on the bus all the way to the end of the line not knowing if the driver got the message, or if the driver found the purse , if it had been stolen or if found was it was empty or full!!! After what seemed like a year we arrived at the gloomy old bus station ( called the new bus station!1) and miracle of miracles there was the driver of my initial bus with my purse in his hand- I squealed with delight when I saw him proudly brandishing my purse, it was completely in tact nothing had been taken. I gushed my thanks at all the drivers who had by now  gathered all around me and tried to offer the two drivers a reward but they told me they were not allowed to accept money,  so I gave them both a kiss and bestowed many thanks on them. I got on yet another number 5 bus and rode back home feeling very very lucky indeed.

So that was my Purim miracle, and I now have renewed faith in mankind, and in Dan bus drivers, which I know will last me at least a… week.

 

Seasonal Confusion Disorder

Sorry I have not written a blog recently but I have been suffering from Seasonal Confusion Disorder…

 

This is my first winter in the Middle East and it was such a hot summer followed by a warm October and November that I wasn’t sure which season I was in. This was not helped by the fact that Tel Aviv fashionistas insist on wearing their brand-new designer winter boots, padded coats, scarves and hats as soon as it’s October, no matter what the weather.  I am sure you can relate to my confusion  and shock on walking out into the November sunshine in Tel Aviv, wearing a T shirt, jeans and open sandals to find myself among Israelis dressed for an arctic winter! I was desperate to approach them and shout, “What are you doing? It’s 21 degrees out here! This is a hot English summer day, take off those fur lined boots!”  But I settled for just smugly laughing to myself as I passed them by .

 

This  confusion was further compounded by the fact that they don’t do the normal winter holidays here. Having lived in the UK all my life I was used to family parties, drinks with friends, the tinsel, the lights and the moaning about the ridiculous commercialisation of Christmas and the annoying carols that start in October. Being Jewish, I never really celebrated Christmas full on, but I cannot quite explain how much the absence of tinsel and glittering lights really depressed me. I did find two friends with Christmas trees who invited me for  seasonal drinks  and nibbles, and that was fun, but on the whole this is not the place to come for fairy lights and fireworks . It would seem they don’t do Christmas (much) in the Land of the Jews and as for New Year, well, they do that in September. I mean, I also celebrate New Year in September but as a citizen of the world as well as a Jew, I need two New Years!

 

Back to my – very British – obsession with the discombobulating weather: when the temperature actually plummeted to 16 degrees centigrade it felt way more cold than it should have done. Added to this my apartment is definitely built to repel heat and so refuses to warm up. This means that I am continually shocked when I exit the ice-box I refer to as home, to find out it is 18 degrees and sunny outside. I have had to peel off layers of clothing so as not to pass out in the heat of the sun and have actually had to move my al fresco dining position into a more shady spot in December! My flat is so cold I have had to invest in items I never dreamt I would need in Israel. At first I bought a few cuddly throws to snuggle under while on my sofa; then I had to buy an electric radiator to supplement my inadequate air conditioner/heater. And last but not least I bought an electric blanket. Yes, you heard correctly: an electric blanket to remove the ice cold chill from my sheets before I got into bed. And let me say it was one of the best purchases I have ever made!

 

So, I was caught in a cycle of being very hot , then very cold, then very hot again  and inevitably I caught what I thought was best referred to as a summer cold (well it IS like an English summer);  unfortunately this turned into a fever and a full blown bronchial infection. I was poleaxed for four whole days. I am now on the mend  and I thought I would celebrate with a blog update. I could blame my bronchitis on the fluctuating temperature and the very cold flat, or I could blame it on my never wearing quite the right clothes due to it being sometimes weirdly cold on a hot sunny day in December, but instead I think I’ll just blame it on the boogie!

Food, Food and more Food., oh and visitors.

What is it about Tel Aviv and food? It’s impossible to walk 50 meters without passing a restaurant, a cafe, a falafel stall, a sandwich shop or a bakery. Everywhere you look people are eating with friends on the pavement cafés, they are pushing a pita bread concoction of falafel or shwarma in to their faces , or drinking ice café’s in giant plastic cups. Everywhere you look people are masticating, it’s the main social and anti social behavior in the city.

It’s hard for Jews to go out for a drink where no food is involved, we are genetically programmed to see alcohol and something you only do with food. My friends in the UK who are not from the same tribe were happy to indulge in a night of imbibing alcohol and not eating, I much to their consternation was always insisting that there was food involved even if meant just crisps . But in Tel Aviv it’s become a caricature emblem of life, all social life equals eating with friends, coffees in cafes, ice creams in “Vanillia” or full blow out gourmet experiences.

The savvy business people of Tel Aviv have obviously tapped into the locals obsession with food hence every other commercial outlet is geared up to satisfy the appetites of the locals

Tel Aviv does provide an incredible array of options for dining out when English visitors come to stay. One of the best things about living on a city by the sea with great weather is that your English friends love to come and enjoy the phenomenon of October sunshine. My close friend Susie came to stay last week with her two children my god daughter Izzie and her brother Will. Together we managed to put Tel Aviv’s gourmet status to the test.

Day 1 , when they had just arrived and we enjoyed an  Italian at Rustico , in Basel, which I would give ten out of ten to, the kids loved it and were clamoring to return, but sadly with only seven days and 360 restaurants to visit that was never going to happen. The next evening we booked for Zen Sushi also on Basel as Izzie is a Sushi fan, it was good, the service was friendly, I , however, can take it or leave it when it comes to Sushi but the Miso soup was excellent. Day 3 after a giant tour of the dead sea, my guests could only manage to stagger to the local pizza café , Tic Tac Toe,  and  that too was outstanding, we did manage to save room for an incredibly indulgent ice cream from my far too local ice cream parlor, Vanillia.  Day 4 we decided to spread our wings and head for the Nemal , Izzie got a blister and dining was interrupted for an emergency shopping  trip, but we were not put off our stride , we eventually scored a table overlooking the  sea at the Rokash Shook next to the farmers market , one of my favorite places, they serve small plates so you can enjoy a dim sum of Mediterranean flavours and I highly recommend the seafood risotto. The kids managed another Vanillia  ice cream  as they have a branch on the Nemal too! Day 5 we worked off all the food on a six hour walking tour of Jerusalem, the tour was excellent, ( I highly recommend Sandeman’s  New Jerusalem walking tours ) but  it was exhausting, we ate lunch at  4pm at Kedma in the Mammilla overlooking the old city . The view was outstanding the lunch was ok but we were of course starved by 4pm !! After the bus ride home , we went without supper, a landmark in itself??

By day 6 we were back on track and it was time to explore Neva Stedek, we shopped a little on Shabazi and then went to Nana’s  a very cute restaurant lots of atmosphere, nice service the food was good and the chips were outstanding. I would definitely go back.  The last night was the Jaffa night. We walked around the old city and booked the very picturesque Abrage. The setting was lovely everything else was a disaster, they forgot half our order and ran out of glasses for the kids cokes!!! We left the waiter a tip , as  it wasn’t his fault, he was very surprised knowing how the whole meal had been a debacle, but I can safely say I will never return.  The evening however was saved as the kids found a gelateria across the square, it was no Vanillia , but it saved the night.

I am now booking in for a detox spa and will be drinking only juice for the next 2 months. Will I survive the temptation of the thousands of Tel Aviv eateries I pass every day? , you decide!!!

Brown legs and Belly dancing

You may assume that when you are living in one the most threatened countries in the world, that’s about to be catapulted into yet another theatre of war ,as America threatens to attack Syria, that worrying about how tanned your legs are is somewhat shallow. Well you’d be right , but it doesn’t change the fact that one of the major annoyances for fair skinned people moving to a hot climate is just how great the local women look with there long slim brown legs and how cool they look in shorts and short dresses. Long and slim  might be a stretch ( literally) but brown is achievable. So  with a persistent approach to getting my fair legs into the sun as often as possible ,over a long protracted period of time ( like a year)  I intend to accomplish brown legs , and in the (almost) words of Meatloaf one out of three aint bad!!!

That’s one major concern dealt with but on a more serious note having only recently returned from a visit to the UK  I have succeeded in upsetting my equilibrium . I went to  the UK to escape the August humidity , see family , friends and experience the cold again. It was lovely to see my family , but not so great to feel cold , its so much nicer as an idea than it is as a reality. Its very discombobulating to be a visitor in your old life. All your friends treat you like a celebrity and go out of their way to wine and dine you. Its such a feeling of joy to see them all , and then the doubts creep in and you start to ask yourself

, “what the hell have I done!!! Why have I left this great life these wonderful friends”.

It has taken me nearly  2 weeks to get over the sense of loss again,  which was not helped by the fact that my Ulpan class is now on hold until December and work is slow in the summer. Luckily my new TA friends came to the rescue  and socially things are all good.

I had the added bonus of  the pending wedding of Claudia to Firas her lovely doctor  fiancé from Nazareth . The wedding party was going to be a very special Arabic affair, something of a new experience for me.  The Ulpan gang all booked into the guest house, whose courtyard was the venue for the wedding, so we planned to make a night of it. Lars, Nicole and I hired a car and drove up on Friday afternoon. We met Bruno, Daniel and Panchi there. The courtyard was beautiful and laid out with white chairs and white cloths, pretty flowers, a full on bar and a dance floor. The whole party was divine ( Nicole’s favourite word) , with amazing food that never stopped coming , lovely Austrian wine , and very atmospheric traditional music. We all channeled our inner belly dancer on the dance floor.  Culturally It was very different and yet oddly familiar. In many ways very similar to all the traditional  Jewish weddings I have been to, especially when the men danced in a circle and then performed individually for each other, when they held the bride and groom up on chairs  and there was also some very familiar handkerchief waving.

I was doing a lot of changing the light bulb dancing  ( see Omid Jallili) and think I may have frightened the grooms father when I encouraged him to dance with us!!!!  I did not however meet my Arab Prince and so will have to postpone my Lawrence of Arabia fantasies for a while. I eventually got to my room at about 3.30am and spent the whole of the next day recovering!!! It was however worth it.